2024 Changed My Life Forever

2024 changed my life forever...and saved it.

If you're curious, here is a chapter on it, or a book, depending on how long your attention span is. It's a vulnerable share, but maybe someone can relate, and if not, well.... it felt good writing it and putting it in the light.

For many years, looking back on my progress as a human, feeling a sense of satisfaction or pride seemed impossible. Every New Year's Eve felt like a reminder of goals unmet, growth unrealized, and a nagging voice telling me I wasn't enough.

I've always thought of myself as someone who could handle a lot, a man's man if you will. I often thought I could bend my own universe, sculpt my own fate, or deal my own hand.

When Covid hit several years ago, it took a lot from me...my business, my sense of false stability, and nearly all my hope. It left me devastated financially and emotionally. I was dizzy and lost inside. The weight of that year.. the bruised ego, and the buried regrets of life...broke me in ways I couldn't have imagined.

For most of my life, I was fairly adept at pushing through. I'd set goals I didn't truly believe in just to do it, and to bury the wreckage of the previous year. I was always striving...and always failing in my own eyes. Each failure added to the growing pile of shame that I allowed to live rent-free inside me. It became so heavy that I lost sight of who I even was.

Let me assure you, shame can get quite dark, even for those of us with bubbly personalities. We just hide it well, often behind walls of humor and bad jokes.

Then, all of a sudden, friends started passing away...good friends, who I loved deeply. Several over the course of a few years. Too many, in quick succession....Ooof. Numbing.

But then, mid-2024, everything changed.

Not talking on the outside...I mean, I'm still getting older, still earning new wrinkles, and noticing hair sprouting in the most absurd places. My hairline is still retreating from a well-fought battle, leaving my forehead to claim new territory on my head.

No, this transformation was ALL internal. And quite honestly, it was completely unexpected.

One evening, alone in a dark room, laying in silence, full of questions about the why of it all, and feeling pretty intense emotional pains, I experienced a spiritual awakening that turned my world upside down...or perhaps, right-side up.

Words will never easily describe most of the experience. The only thing I can compare it to are the near-death experiences (NDEs) that people describe. I have listened to hundreds of them since that night. While each has experiential differences, the gist of the "music" is the same, and there is NO mistaking the harmony in the stories.

What exists in front of, behind, beyond, and all around this life on earth has a certain cadence and a beat to it...a melody that is unmistakable when one experiences it. It's the kind of thing many don't talk about, because the world can make it feel...well, weird.

But for me, what I experienced was more real than anything this world has ever offered my senses. It was as if my concept of living was placed in a universal blender and diluted with so much truth and understanding that my old self dissolved. I felt, I seen, I heard, I experienced in indescribable ways, through all the senses and more, what I can only describe as a truly mystical moment....I was left with something unique. An internal "knowing" that has nothing to do with IQ.

What emerged was a sweet clarity, and with it came this profound understanding that reshaped everything:

The purpose of my life is to love others more than I could ever love myself.

To say yes to each experience.

To be of service in all possible ways to those in need.

This love is meant to consume every part of me...my heart, my mind, my soul and my strength.

Through living in that purpose, I honor my time on this earth and demonstrate my love for the Creator who gave me breath...the One who gave all of us breath.

This isn't just an idea

It's an action

A way of being

It is the Way

It's about caring deeply, sacrificing willingly, and loving fiercely.

A surreal adventure.

My priorities were made clear, my heart was made new, and my resolve made unshakable.

In a moment....guilt, shame, feelings of not being enough, questioning the purpose of this life.....all gone.

Not buried or suppressed: G.O.N.E.

Miraculously cleansed from within by a majestic, magical love that has transformed who I am. A love that revealed there is no requirement to visit a brick building weekly. No need for a middle man to find me worthy of anything. No ritual to perform to cleanse myself of impurity.

There's no falling short.

No mystical scale weighing my every bad thought, mistake, or outright asinine thing I've ever done against me.

Only a Divine Essence of pure love.

Pure appreciation.

Pure grace.

Proudly cheering me on...saying:

You are enough.

You are wonderfully made.

You were designed for a great purpose.

We all are.

2024 taught me that we reside in the Heart of God, and the Heart of God resides in us. Knowing this brought me peace beyond any understanding and trespassed my ole pal fear from within. We truly have a place to rest from the striving in this life....a special, sweet dwelling place, right here, right in the center of who we are.

There is a light that shines on the darkest of corners..... seek it, and it will rescue you.

This miracle of 2024 set me on a path that has prepared 2025 to be the best year of my life.

Not because of any perfection matrix.

Not because I'm in control.

Not because I know what I am doing.

Rather, because my soul now breathes in freedom.

Free from all the unseen weight that once held me down.

Free from worrying about yesterday.

Free from stressing over tomorrow.

Free to enjoy each day as it arrives, just as it is, filled with experiences outlined by a higher hand.

Free, because I was handed the ability to believe that my days are guided by an unseen keeper of my soul.

Free to wake up each day & tune into THAT frequency...

Bathe in THAT energy...

Flow with THAT essence.

Here's to the first full year of a life lived with total faith in an unseen Hero.

Here's to learning how to play guitar in ways I have always wanted.

Here's to 2025...the year of love, purpose, and a sky with no limits!

PS.

I'm sharing this not just to mark the moment but as an invitation to you: Hold me accountable. Remind me, challenge me, and walk with me if you feel so moved.